My current reality of being widow is by far one the most uncomfortable places I have ever been. I liken it to the notion of being lost in a forest, surrounded by nothing but trees, and all I can think about or desire, is to find my way out. And in my quest to achieve such results, anything will do that might provide to me, the slightest glimmer of hope.
But with each day that comes and goes, I find myself in the same unsettling place, wondering the same thing. When will all of this pain, discomfort, and confusion end? When will I be centered again, and return to the comfort and security of knowing who I am? And then I can’t help but wonder, does anyone even notice? Or better yet, does anyone even care, that in the deepest part of my soul, not only am I inwardly struggling, but that I am barely staying afloat, in order to some how regain my footing just long enough, to stand back up on my own 2 feet again?
And then out of nowhere, a moment of clarity comes upon me, reminding me that not all is lost, and a little voice then whispers in my ear, saying “Remember, I am with you”, “Take my hand and lean into me”. Yes! I cry out! The Lord spoke to me, and the light of hope raised it’s little hand. And at that moment, I was reminded that although my position in this currently reality is uncomfortable, if I lean into Him, He will show me things that I would otherwise never be able to see. And that the length of time that I am in this uncomfortable place that I am in, is actually not a form of eternal emotional punishment, but rather, an act of everlasting grace, with an overflowing amount of love. That He is truly my Heavenly Father, and I am truly, a daughter of the Most High King.
I so needed that word of encouragement. And coming from God himself, just made it all the more special. A reminder that God is always up to something. And that something, is always and nothing less, than that which is good. That is because God, by his very nature, only does that which is good. And so although today I may remain in the forest, surrounded by trees, that doesn’t allow me to see or feel the good, of all of what He is doing, I can be assured and hold on to the promises, that one day I will.
And so for today, instead of embracing my current reality of the pain that reminds me of the loss of my husband, and my best friend, I will seek to choose to embrace the presence of an all loving, all caring God, who is with me always. And I will trust that He is actively at work behind the scenes, guiding me, protecting me, and leading me to a place that I could never achieve, or arrive at on my own.
So my parting thought for all of you reading this today is this, “I will never be thankful that I have become a widow, but I will always be thankful for all that God reveals to me, and teaches me during the process of healing, and how I can be used for His glory as a result of becoming a widow”.
To Be a Widow ~