It’s been a while since I have blogged. But one thing that is becoming ever so clear, is that as a widow, everything changes. Everything about the life I once knew is not only different and new, but it is overwhelmingly uncomfortable, and over the top more difficult of a path than I have ever traveled.
It is like not only have I been left with a hole deep within my heart, but it has also left an emptiness within, that goes way beyond what words could ever adequately describe. And oh yes, I know I have God, and I know God loves me. And I know He doesn’t give His children more than what they can handle. And I know His joy is my strength, and He will see me through.
But there lies yet before me, a small little voice that is continuously tapping me on the shoulder and whispering in my ear, reminding me that I am human, and that my heart still hurts. So what is a 47 year old widow to do? Well, I look at the world around me, in hopes that I may find some kind of relief from this broken heart of mine.
But at the end of the day, I often times still find myself feeling very much lost and alone. Lost with who I am, what I am to do, what and how much I am to share, and alone with who and how much, I am to share it all with. And so in response to all of this uncertainty, I continue to smile, nod, and tell those around me that life is good, and that I am fine.
But trust me when I say, time doesn’t necessarily lessen the pain, it only increases the distance from the moment that it all began. And I really don’t know, or maybe don’t even understand, how others have landed on the healing side of something such as this. But I do trust in an all loving God, and believe that He, in His own timing, is leading me to that place as well.
To Be a Widow