So many firsts . . .

IMG_1422Well, today is the 5 month mark of Rudy’s passing. And it’s just so hard to believe that it has already been 5 months. But one recurring thing that I remember people saying, was that the first year will be the hardest, because it will be the year filled with all the firsts.

And now 5 months later, looking back, I have already experienced my first Halloween, my first Thanksgiving, my first Christmas, and my first New Year’s without my love. But i just knew, that beyond all of that, March was the month that was going to be a tough one.

In a matter of 6 days, I will have my 47th birthday, the 5 year anniversary of my dad’s passing, and then what would have been my 15 year wedding anniversary.  Yup, all of this will be reflected within a total of 6 days.

So a few months back, I began planning and prepping for when this time came. I knew that I didn’t want to be home, and I for sure knew that I didn’t want to be alone. Thankfully I had my sister who was all for then planning a trip. And so now, this Saturday is the day, where I will be getting on a plane and headed to Spain. Yup, I am headed to Spain with my sister and her boyfriend.

We are scheduled to land in Spain on Sunday morning, which is my birthday. But this will not only be my first birthday without my hubby, it will also be my first trip/vacation in almost 17 years without him. So although I am excited for the trip, I am definitely having to work through some uncharted territory of emotions, as I begin packing.

This trip is just so bitter sweet, as I am devastated that my hubby isn’t with me for us to experience it together, and he won’t be with me to celebrate my bday, or the 5 year anniversary of my dad’s passing, or our 15 year wedding anniversary.

But I do have plans, to do a lot of relaxing, a little reading, a vast amount of site seeing, and as much taste testing as possible. Other than all of that though, I am looking forward to taking this time to be still before God, and just take it all in, as I inquire with him about my life and my future, as a widow.

P.S. I am also totally looking forward to blogging and sharing with all of you everything that I am seeing, learning, and experiencing, while I am there!

To Be a Widow ~

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